the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
