She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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