I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
