I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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