I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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