I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
