Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
