dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
