"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
