he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
