I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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