u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
