Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
