still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
