margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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