also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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