This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my shit smells like andre
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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