Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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