I want you more than these girls want KFC
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
