Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
