I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
