There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
