shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
