I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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