Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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