That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
