Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
