Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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