oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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