Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
