Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
