I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
