No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
