he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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