Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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