chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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