Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
