Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
