I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
