We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
