Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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