yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
