sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
