Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
