She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
