do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
