I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
