You're a womanizer and a bitch.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
