why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
