You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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