lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
